just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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