it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got inside last night via doggy door
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
