Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
