I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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