We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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