I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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