I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
