from now on my penis is your penis
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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