I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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