I feel great
I just peed on a car
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
