It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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