I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
BRING THE BAGELS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
