lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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