I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
