She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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