so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
