that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
