okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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