Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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