I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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