Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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