hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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