apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
