Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
