please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't notice because vodka
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
