I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
