their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We named our party play list daddy issues
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
