watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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