i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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