you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
