I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
