The maid of honor just puked.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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