I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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