I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I see more hoeing in ur future
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