no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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