Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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