gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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