Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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