Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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