I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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