Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
