I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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