Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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