That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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