she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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