just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You can't motorboat a personality
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
