His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
