I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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