Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
