my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want her autograph on my taint
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
