Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
