I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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