I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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