thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
