saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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