If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize