He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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