As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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