Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
