I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
