it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
