ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wear drunk well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
