dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
