I wish my penis had an off switch
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
